Relationships

Tall dark and handsome, a girl that has just been kissed by the sun, these are some characteristics that attract people to the opposite sex.  What attracts you to the opposite sex? Is it a facial feature? Someone with a funny, caring, romantic, personality? Are you a go getter when it comes to meeting other people, or someone who lets them come to you? Maybe you’re just a gold digger. No matter what you style or game is chances are your dating experience, and relationship etiquette is directly related to that of the culture that you’re surrounded by. American dating culture tends to have a numerouse amounts of dates, and typically will end up dating a handful, or two, of people before they decide that it’s really time to settle down. The Chinese culture typically goes on very few dates, and dates very few people before their married.1 There are other aspects that go into a relationship that are driven by a person’s history. When does one introduce their significant other to their family, or their extended family. Pre-marital sex in some cultures is strictly forbidden, while other tends to overlook the concept. In my paper I plan to  cover some topics that vary from the American culture to the Chinese culture, and what is right and wrong between the two cultures.

For many people a first date is a very exciting time. It’s the first step into exploring the possibilities of what could happen with this person. Yet, different cultures view the first date differently. Casual dating is something that many Americans do. A first date consists of going to a movie or out to eat. This can be done either with alone, with a group of people, or friends. Normally dates are set up through texting, or someone asking the opposite sex if their busy on a specific day. People normally meet through school, work, or just randomly run into one another. Casual talking and getting to know each other is normal in the American culture.

Chinese dating is a little different then how it’s done in America. The Asian culture has a different view point on dating, and the value or each date is different than in America. The girls are a lot pickier, and won’t go out for the first time just to talk and see where it goes. Chinese girls won’t go on a first date with someone unless she has strong feelings for a guy. This is very interesting because, many American may go 10 plus dates until they find one they like. Were the Chinese culture may only go on a handful of dates with different people. A mutual friend arranges a dinner of six to eight people including the two who he or she is trying to introduce.1 Friends play a major role in this part of the world. The set up may be intentional, or may be a blind date.1 One might be ask by a friend to stop over to hang out, and have no idea they are being set up.      The two who are interested in each other, or the two who got blind dated, won’t be seated next to eachother.1 The social arrangement makes it convenient for each party if there isn’t similar interest. Parties don’t have to deal with break ups if the first date doesn’t go well. It is also a way to find out about someone without committing yourself. I think this is really smart because the first time you see someone you have no idea what they are like. One does not know if they are interested or not, what makes up their character, or what intentions they may have. Also, friends can help to keep conversation going and stay away from awkward situations. Lot of times when someone is on a first date there are pauses in between, and it can be hard to keep things sailing. Many may think that this would still be considered a date because the two of them where at the same place. But in the Chinese culture this is not considered a first date.  First dates are understood by people of different cultures differently. Many American goes on a first date without any clue as to if the opposite sex is the one who they want to marry. This doesn’t even cross our brain because half the time we do not know what we want to do tomorrow. If a Chinese girl agrees to go out on a date with a man she is formally acknowledging this man is a candidate for marriage.1 This is just crazy to me that someone could look so far into the future on the first date. But I also was not raised that way, and my culture has to skill as to how to do this. If you think that you are committed when on a first date with an Asian then one better look out for the second and third date. A second date is considered a distinct possibility or marriage, and a third date will be perceived as mutual interests by both sides.1 I have a feeling that this can easily get misread by people who are dating of different cultures. First dates can be perceived differently from people of different cultures. Make sure to be careful of what vive one may be sending when dating someone outside their culture. Maybe a little research can help both parties from becoming hurt.

How relationships are maintained vary by where you were born, and how you where raised. Chinese girls tend to take care of their man more then what American girls do. Chinese girls tend to look out for their guys and do more tasks to show that they are worthy of being a good wife. This almost seems too good to be true. These women normally control the family finances so men don’t go out looking for the “new girl.”3 The male is typically known to take care of providing enough finances to support the family.3 The wife may have a smaller job, but takes care of the house, and her husband.3 When a male gets home from work he not too often has to help out with daily chores, except for anything that might require lifting or some work the wife has a hard time with. Females normally take care of the daily house chores and the children.3 Normally Chinese families consist of one child, but this still is a lot of work for one person to do in a day. Chinese women tend to take a lot of pride in keeping the male happy.3 I do not know who could be mad if they came home from work and didn’t have to do a whole lot. I believe that this part of the Chinese culture varies from that of the American culture.

An average American relationship shows both males and females share equal roles. Today many couples have full time paying jobs, and are equally responsible for providing income for a family. Both spouses may have, or may not have attended future education outside of high school. Today’s work force is starting to show a lot more females taking what was typical considered a “male job,” and it’s not uncommon for a female to make more money than her spouse.  Couples do things to try and keep the other spouse happy. Things around the house are normally done by both parties. Take in to consideration that "boys will be boys."4 Yet, most females take care of the inside of the house, while the male takes care of the outside. But, this doesn’t happen in every family. Having fun is something that both sexes’ like to do. There is a lot of give and take on entertainment that provides happiness for the opposite sex. What you look for in a relationship varies on where you are from. You might be surprised to find out that someone from another culture might hold the key to your happiness.

 So when is it finally time to introduce the one to your parents? This process can be feared by many. The awkward handshakes, the glares from the old man are all a part of this first introduction. Americans tend to introduce their significant other pretty early in the relationship. It’s not uncommon to meet the family to make sure that one’s partner fits in. Many people have to make sure their significant other can interact with their family member before anything can get to serious.  Some people may introduce numerous people to their parents and extended family. The Chinese culture differentiates on this majorly. Chinese women tend to tell their mother about a guy only when she has serious intentions of marriage.1 It is rare for a women in china to talk to her mom about more than one or two guys.1 Often if parents see a guy and girl together the couple will pretend like they are not seeing eachother.3 When a couple takes the steps to meet the parents in the western world, this is a sign of engagement.1 This is one of the areas that could be scary to someone if they didn’t understand what they meant by their actions. First impressions are a vital in the Chinese culture, because it might be the only first impression they’ll ever have.

 Pre-marital sex is something that for many countries is unheard of. Often this goes against many people religions which also ties to their cultural backgrounds. Yet, although it goes against many religions in America the American culture tends to not have a problem with this. Sex often occurs in a relationship before a couple is married. People tend to have sexual relations with more than one person in their life. Also the American culture introduces sex at a very young age.  Pregnancy prevention is introduced to both parties while children are still in grade school. The government helps by producing controlled childhood centers, and information. Some couples will have a child before they are married, or some people may have kids with more than one person. Families tend to show a lot of support to one spouse parents, and parents will often help their kids out if they’re alone.

The Chinese culture frown upon pre-marital sex.3 If a couple has a baby the father of the female rarely lets her stay with her partner.3 The female will take the baby and the father is rarely allowed to be seen with the mother ever again. It is not uncommon for a 30 year old to be a virgin waiting tell they get married.1 They hold their beliefs well and don’t fall into pressure. Sex with a Chinese woman normally shows their intention of marriage.1 Sexual intentions vary from culture to culture. Making sure of what your partner’s intentions are is a great way to keep someone from getting hurt.

People’s outlook on other cultures and their relationships might change if they took the time to get involved, and to understand how people where raised. Pre-marital sex is looked at differently from people of different cultures. A lot of how people go about their business deals with how they were raised and what they saw their parents do as they were growing up. If you’d like to get to know someone without so many strings attacked then the Chinese culture is for you. If getting to know a lot of people and going on a lot of dates until you’re sure about the guy you want to marry is your style. Well hello America. For some people none of this has any influence how what they do. Maybe your ways are set on finding someone so you never have to work again in your life, or maybe it’s has to do with personal style or personality.  But, sometimes you just have to go outside your box and discover the world around you. You can’t see the world from your door step.

Refrences

1.       Http://middlekingdomlife.com/guide/dating-etiquette-sex-relationships-china.htm retrieved on 4/17/11

2.       Http://www.bookrags.com/tandf/dating-tf/ retrieved on 4/17/11

3.       Interview with He, Yen
4.     Kimmel, M. (2004). Adolescent boys exploring diverse cultures of boyhood.
           New York and London:
           New York University Press.